Jenny Plant's blog

Massage and elephants.

I'm writing this from a weird village on the Thai border with Laos, where there is little to do but stretch out the hours in the local internet cafe. This is start of a 3 day voyage down the Mekong river to Luang Prabang. I'm really excited about getting to Laos, I've heard such great things about it. Already the scenery is getting more and more impressive. Lots of water, lush green mountains and huge rice paddy fields.

The last few days were spent fairly quietly in Chiang Mai. Highlights:

1. I'm now qualified to give Thai massage. Form an orderly queue please! The course was quite tricky, not because it was difficult to learn, but because you are being massaged almost continually for 5 hours a day. I had to make a huge effort to stop myself falling asleep when I was supposed to be keenly observing the massage techniques and taking notes. 

2. A one day trek in a national park north of Chiang Mai which included bamboo rafting and visiting a local hill tribe. There was also an elephant ride which I turned down, having heard about the cruelty the elephants have to endure and knowing that the following day I would be going to...

3. The Elephant Nature Park. The highlight of my entire trip so far, this is such an inspiring place! A tiny Thai lady called Lek is singlehandedly taking on the entire Thai tourism industry and rescuing abused elephants. She's faced death threats, her family has disowned her and one of her orphaned baby elephants was even poisoned in an effort to stop her drawing attention to what goes on. The lucky few elephants that she can get her hands on spend the remainder of their days being cared for in her sanctuary in the mountains, where they are free to roam about, trumpet, bathe, play and generally be elephants. After an brilliant morning spent feeding and bathing the herd, we were shown a National Geographic documentary about the sanctuary and the 'breaking in' ceremony that all captive elephants in Thailand have to go through. To say it was harrowing would be an understatement; most of us were in tears by the end. I am now on a mission to spread the word to any potential visitors to Thailand not to have an elephant ride or to visit any of the camps where they paint pictures, dance etc. What they have been through to get to that level of obedience is beyond belief. More info at www.elephantnaturefoundation.org.

Rant over!

It ain't over til the fat lady's thin

Move over Lyndsey, there's a new rehabber in town. Thanks to the Monte Vista retreat I am now officially cleansed, detoxed, ultra chilled and pretty good at yoga. Hooray! I left Ko Phangan on Monday afternoon after bidding a fond farewell to the folks at the retreat (there were some utterly pretentious crackpots for whom words would do no justice), and took a sleeper train straight up to Chiang Mai, a pretty town in the north. I've been here half a day and everything seems well so far. It's an old, hippy, walled town with plenty of character. Just a shame all the major fast food chains have been given permission to set up camp. As the local hill tribes' coffee is on offer here it's especially annoying to see a two storey Starbucks right by the ancient city wall.

Chiang Mai is full of places offering massage and Thai cookery courses. Tomorrow I start a 2 day course in Thai body and foot massage which should be fun, and I'm also planning on visiting a local elephant sanctuary.

Meanwhile, here's the last couple of weeks in pics:

 

Birthday night on the beach in Ko Phangan.

Birthday night

With Lorraine, my fellow detoxer. Still blissfully unaware of the pleasures of ghee and gruel.

Lorraine & I

 

Me, a ladyboy & buckets & buckets & buckets of joy.

 

Buckets & ladyboy

 

A vid of the burning skipping rope drinking game - entirely safe and fully endorsed by the British Rope Skipping Association (I expect). Witness the expertise with which this guy pats his burning behind at the end.

 

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And finally, another great sign (there's plenty to choose from here) and a doggy that knows how to handle the heat...

 

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More from Chiang Mai soon! xx

Body shock

Hmm. It appears this cleansing business is more traumatic than I thought. Last night I went to bed at 7pm feeling like I'd been vigorously beaten over the head with a frying pan. I woke up at 5am to a woodpecker tapping on my door. In my sleepy and delirious state I thought it was time for my Ayurvedic massage so got up to answer it. Then I couldn't get back to sleep so I read on the balcony before my 1 1/4 hours yoga at 8am, which is definitely the highlight of my day. It was lovely doing gentle stretches over such a beautiful ocean view. 

Breakfast arrived, and good lord I've never been more pleased to see a plate of fruit in my life. Everything is tasting amazing. Even my toothpaste felt like a naughty treat this morning. The only problem is that before your breakfast you first have to down a cup of ghee - clarified butter that is used a lot in curry. Apparently the Ayurvedic cleanse incorporates it, as it's very good for digestion. It may have Ayurvedic properties but to me it just tastes like enough Lurpak to last you a week, in a cup. Nice.

Lorraine and I seem to be the only people who are here for detox reasons (the retreat also does all kinds of counselling and holistic therapies).  I made the mistake of asking a couple of people over dinner why they were here, and the question was followed by an awkward silence and finally the dreaded words "I have very deep rooted issues to work through and am here for a month". Tonight I'll stick to discussing the lotus position.

From buckets of joy to bowls of slop

I'm writing this from Monte Vista, a retreat on Ko Phangan, Thailand. It's set high up on the hills overlooking the ocean and is devoted to helping the hung-over, lardy and otherwise overindulged to find their inner Gillian McKeith. Having spent five days on Ko Phangan I can see why they do a roaring trade.

This is the party island to end them all. Every night on the beach the hoards head over for a boogie and a Bucket of Joy, the local cocktail. It's a proper bucket (kind of sandcastle sized) filled with Thai whiskey, Thai Red Bull (god knows what's in the Red Bull but it sure ain't the British version) and a mixer. It's proper loony juice. Once they're sure that all sense has been well and truly removed, the locals bring out ridiculously dangerous games that appeal to your drunken sense of invincibility - a giant burning skipping rope, a burning hoop to jump through and other delights. It's easy to spot the casualties the following day, to the extent that the island can start to look like a huge - and very picturesque - burns unit. Luckily I managed to avoid the temptation to prove my flameproof jumping prowess and escaped with my skin intact. My birthday was spent trying out Thai boxing in the morning, then on the beach in the evening with a Bucket of Joy, reminding myself that I'm now 32 and that one day I must stop acting 23. I was joined by Dee and Lorraine who I'm travelling with for a while longer, and Jo who made it down from Bangkok for a long weekend. It was a top day.

From one extreme to the other, Monte Vista is pretty much silent. There's yoga every morning at 8am (EIGHT AM!! Those kind of early mornings are a distant memory!) then fruit for breakfast. Lunch and dinner is a 'Tri-Doshic (?)Ayervedic meal', a plate of beige gruel that is apparently very good for cleansing your system. Mmm. Then there's a meditation every evening for an hour. Folks, it's going to be struggle. More on my progress in due course.

Here they are

The beach

 

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The sea (not a swimming pool. Really!)

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On the snorkelling boat with Dee, one of two great girls I'm heading to Thailand with

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Our snorkelling guides

 

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The taxi rank - prepare to queue

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I'd rather be at work, to be honest

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My new screen saver

 

 

Enjoy life

Just before going to the Perhentians I also spent a few days in Bangkok. I stayed with Rachel's friend Jo, who works for MTV Asia and is living in a lovely flat with a swimming pool in the centre of Bangkok. Not jealous AT ALL. We had a lovely time mooching around, seeing the sights and eating great food. I LOVED Bangkok. She took me to some expat hang outs (one called the Foreign Correspondents Club - apparently there are more journalists in Bangkok than anywhere else in the world, weirdly). This is us on Kho San Road, a famous backpacker's part of the city:

 

 

Bangkok

 

And I think that's it for now. I hate to bleat on about it but I really am having the time of my life, folks! And there's a whole 2 more months to go! Next stop Ko Phan Ngan for some yoga, more swimming and the full moon party... will keep in touch between sunbathing and practising the lotus position... lots of love xxxx

 

Perhentian Islands. Did it really happen?

I've just emerged from a dream-like few days in the Perhentian Islands on the east Malaysia coast. Oh. My. Word. What a place! It ticked every box for a tropical paradise....

1. Ocean clear as a swimming pool
2. Tiny and unspoilt - just a few chalets and restaurants scattered along the shore
3. Amazing marine life. I went snorkelling and saw giant turtles, sting ray, sharks (yes, SHARKS. I'm getting quite brave in my old age) and Nemo fish
4. Fresh seafood barbeques every night
5. No ATMs
6. No internet

The whole place reminded me of one long Lilt advert. Rush hour occurs twice a day when a batch of five or so newcomers arrive on a tiny boat and traipse around the beach to find a free chalet. There were various homemade signs attached to huts saying things like 'Information Centre' and 'Taxi Service', each manned by a Malaysian surf dude fast asleep on a hammock. It took me a day or so to tune into the ultra chilled way of life there, and I started off with my slightly uptight English head on, giving funny looks when a random stranger would greet me like a long lost friend and stop to have a chat about sea eagles. But by the end of the four days I had gone completely native, having managed nothing more stressful than deciding whether to tan my back or my front, swim breast stroke or float on my back. My God, I'll look back on this and cry when I'm gazing out at the Luton skyline from September.

Photos on their way. Prepare to weep! x

 

Northern Vietnam round-up

It's been an action-packed few days since my last post, and I'm writing this in Bangkok, where I arrived yesterday.  

Picking up from where I left off:

Hue...

was a nice-ish town, and I spent two nights there. On my first evening I found a good Indian restaurant for dinner, and as I ordered my food an Australian girl and her cousin sitting nearby took pity on the Loneplant and asked me to join them.  We got on very well and I spent the rest of my time in Hue with them, sightseeing and mooching about. Jess and Jamie were staying in an ultra posh hotel on the Perfume River (believe me, that water is anything but perfumed) so I used their pool and other lush facilities with gay abandon. I felt a bit pikey padding through the beautiful art deco hotel lobby in my manky old flip flips and sarong but hey ho, such is the life of a backpacker (or fiscally challenged traveller as I prefer to call myself).

Anyway, the low point of Hue was that some bastard stole my mobile phone from my hotel room. Almost one whole day was spent trying to eek a statement out of the police in order to claim it back on my insurance. The Vietnamese police are a nightmare - really corrupt and quite lazy. They were trying to wriggle out of providing me with something on headed paper but eventually promised to forward a statement in 7-10 days, so we'll see what turns up. The hotel staff were lovely and very apologetic. The cleaners on the other hand spent the rest of my stay giving me evils in a way that only the Vietnamese can.

The receptionists were quite taken with my iPod. Keeping my eye on it at all times, I let them listen to their favourite - Alice Cooper - for a few mins.

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The highlight of Hue was meeting a lovely deaf mute man, owner of a famous noodle restaurant in Hue. I communicated with him through lots of thumbs-up type gestures which he seemed to find hilarious. He does a clever trick of opening a beer bottle with a plank of wood and then gives you the plank, with the promise that you'll send him a picture of you opening a beer with it in some other far flung part of the world. Obviously I'll be taking it straight to the world-famous Concrete Cows of Milton Keynes.

 

 

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This is a video of him opening the bottle (you'll need to turn your head sideways)

 

 

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Hanoi...

From Hue I hopped onto another stinky night bus to Hanoi. I arrived at 6am and was instantly mesmorised by the sight of hundreds of Hanoians taking advantage of the cool temperatures, and limbering up for their morning exercises. It was quite a sight to behold, coupled with the fact that the lake (in the centre of the city) is absolutely gorgeous. I couldn't resist snapping and filming some of it for your amusement:

Aerobics:

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Tai Chi

 

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The bridge over the lake

 

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Ha Long Bay...

From Hanoi I took a two day trip to Ha Long Bay, a world heritage site, nicknamed by the Vietnamese as the 8th wonder of the world (they clearly don't know about the Concrete Cows). It was really stunning and is apparently often used as a location for films. We took a boat trip to the bay and then were shown around some impressive caves.

 

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Then it was back to Hanoi. To quote the name of a bad 80s rock band, Hanoi Rocks (I couldn't resist!) It's a bit more laid back than Saigon, although with equally insane driving habits. Some of the back streets of the Old Quarter, where I stayed, were really picturesque.

 

 

Hanoi

By the way, the Vietnamese eat dogs, but only at the end of the lunar calendar month. So that's OK then. There's one street that sells nothing but whole roasted dogs, lined up as far as the eye can see. It's really upsetting and almost turned me veggie when I heard about it. But then I remembered M&S chicken & avocado sandwiches and decided that, instead of turning veggie I would simply choose to avoid eating anything cute.

That's it for now - more from Thailand soon. Missing you buckets! xx

More from Hoi An

 

It was most traumatic leaving Hoi An. Not only is it the loveliest place I've visited in Vietnam (I'll probably say this about every place I visit - must be a bit more selective in my praise) but I also met some really fab people who I had to say goodbye to. Here are a few pics from Hoi An to give you a flavour...

The main drag:

 

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Gorgeous kids everywhere:

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There are lantern shops all over the place and it looks magical in the evening:

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And finally, I couldn't resist taking a photo of rule number 7 at my hotel (you can click on the photo to make it bigger):

 

 

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Tempting as it is to go AWOL and disappear in Hoi An for eternity, I eventually hopped on the bus today and headed further north to Hue, a town which is apparently has a disproportionate amount of scholars and intellectuals. I'll fit in beautifully.

I arrived this evening and am writing this in my hotel, which is kind enough to supple free internet access - although they don't supply a chair, which I suppose is their way of making sure you don't hog the PC. So on that note, my feet are killing me so I'll be off. Bye for now! xx

Hoi An

After a week of mooching about in Nha Trang, my guilty conscience got the better of me and I decided it was time to move on. After a 12 hour night bus journey from hell (cockroach infested pit stops, sleeping in a bizarre extreme yoga position due to the 1 inch square space I was allocated, leaving my Hugo Boss glasses on the bus etc etc) we arrived at a beautiful little town called Hoi An. It has a very Chinese feel to it as it was originally inhabited by China as a trading port, and about a quarter of its inhabitants are of Chinese descendancy. There are lots of beautiful old merchants' houses that have had generations of the same family living there for hundreds of years, and are still trading. Hoi An even has its own cuisine which is delicious. A weird but gorgeous noodle soup with mint and crispy pork crackling croutons on top is especially good.

Aside from that, the overridingly great thing about Hoi An is that it's almost entirely made up of tailors. You can have absolutely anything tailor-made within a few hours. Within a day of arriving I was in possession of a lovely summer dress and a pair of trousers, $20 all in. Weirdly, there seems to be a lot of men having comedy outfits made for upcoming stag parties - I've spotted lots of people ordering suits in silver or metallic powder blue. Or maybe there's some new trend in the UK that I'm missing out on?

The beach is quiet and unspoiled -just the usual hawkers to contend with. They have very imaginative ways of persuading you to buy from them. Yesterday I told one lady I wasn't interested in her 5 kilo bags of peanut brittle and she replied 'Open your heart. Open your wallet!' Another one said 'Please don't turn my brown eyes blue'. Brilliant.

Yesterday we hired motorbikes and drove around the surrounding countryside. We were waved at by lots of cute Vietnamese children, whom I have completely fallen in love with. Expect an Angelina Jolie-style selection of photogenic babies to be accompanying me back to Heathrow!

I really want to post more photos but seem to be having trouble with my memory card so will try again soon.

Pics from Nha Trang

Here's the lobster lady. She grills them fresh on the beach while you wait.

 

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And here's me with my new Swedish pals Marlene and Jenny at the hot mineral mud baths yesterday. SO relaxing. And just $3 for 2 hours! The brochure left comething to be desired though. I agree that "soaking in mineral mud is very interesting", and to a certain extent "funny and integrating as soaking collective mud". But is it really "more happily and exciting as soaking special mineral mud doubly"?

 

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Snorkelling rules!

 

 

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 This is Nha Trang beach.

 

 

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At some point I hope to get back to more cultural pursuits - just need to get the tan perfected first.